


Hold my hand, and don't let go

by locamohita456



Category: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Justice League (2017)
Genre: Attempted Suicide, Barry Allen Being A Good Friend, Developing Friendships, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Slight OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 17:26:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14938668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/locamohita456/pseuds/locamohita456
Summary: (A random fic based on a prompt from my friend, who loves Barry Allen)Barry comes by Lex's place one night, and discovers something that will forever change his perspective of the man.





	Hold my hand, and don't let go

**Author's Note:**

> This a really random thing that's been brewing in my head for way too long. I've been meaning to do a series with these two, which will probably provide more explanations as to what's going on. For now, however, there's only this. Hope you enjoy it, and leave a comment at the end :)

Barry Allen had met Lex Luthor twice. The first time Barry totally geeked out. He couldn’t help it, he knew the other was an ex-convict who killed Superman. But still. 

“Oh, my God! You’re Lex Luthor! Wow! Of course, you know who you are, everyone knows who you are! You managed to kill Superman! Well, he’s back now, as you can see-“Arthur elbowed him to shut up. Luthor stared, blinked twice and just ignored him, going about insulting Bruce or Clark. 

The second time, Barry bumped into him.

“Please, no fangirling,” he quipped and walked past him. 

He could see why people disliked Lex. He had that ‘I’m smarter and richer than you’ air about him, like most bad guys. Barry found that a bit hypocritical, considering Bruce could sometimes be just as condescending. Besides, there was something that just wasn’t adding up. He couldn’t see a criminal mastermind behind the wavy red hair, blue eyes, and a whole set of nervous tics. It reminded him of the old saying ‘a wolf in sheep’s clothing’. Maybe it’s because he didn’t know him before Arkham, he was sure that something is wrong, and he seemed to be the only one to notice this. Looking back now, it seems obvious. 

He figures Clark made it bad. He knows Bruce made it worse. He isn’t quite sure what pushed him over the edge, but here he was: in Lex’s condo, on the balcony, stopping the man from killing himself. If he wasn’t so preoccupied with clutching the hand holding a knife, he’d congratulate himself on being so… perceptive. 

Barry’s brain worked itself into overdrive. It’s ironic how this scene is like those in movies, two people in an apartment, on the balcony, one is holding the other’s hand; although if they were in a movie he’d have just come back from a date, maybe expecting a kiss, BUT not hold a hand of someone looking to end themselves, and if he hadn’t--

Lex tugged his hand but Barry refused to let go. 

He realized this is the closest he had ever been to the redhead and he finally looked at him. His hair was still damp (this got him thinking for a moment – did he take a shower? – and then he remembered the earlier downpour he must have got caught in) and so were his shirt and pants, which seemed uncomfortably sticky. He let go of his hand, but not before confiscating the knife. The hand fell limply on the balcony tiles, but Lex’s eyes never left his. The icy blues were wide from shock and fear. He blinked and turned away from Barry. He didn’t look sad, or angry, or embarrassed. It was their look of utter resignation that causes Barry’s heart to clench. 

“Why did you do that?” Lex whispered.

“Why did I-? Seriously? Why did I not let you kill yourself? What the heck, man? I couldn’t, I can’t let anyone do that, not even you! Why did you do that? You just got out of prison, you should be celebrating or, I dunno, robbing a bank or kidnapping a bunch of puppies, or whatever it is that--“

“STOP!” Lex cried out. He exhaled shakily, running a trembling hand through his hair. “Please, just shut up, unless you’re capable of speaking like normal person for a minute!”

Barry glared at him and Lex glared right back, with slightly less spark. Barry’s knees were starting to hurt, so he lowered himself onto the cold balcony tiles, crossing his legs. The other eyed the speedster warily, as if expecting an attack. Finally, Lex seemed to realize Barry wasn’t a threat, and slowly relaxed, mirroring Barry’s position,

“Sorry, I kinda tend to ramble when I’m nervous,” Barry confessed. Lex raised an eyebrow as if asking ‘You don’t say’.

“So….why did you do it?”

“I didn’t do anything,”

“Okay. What happened?”

“Nothing happened”

“Oh, um…okay…why are you wet?” Barry read somewhere a long time ago you’re supposed to keep the potential suicide victims talking. And he is good at nonsensical talk.

“What?” The question seemed to catch Lex off guard.

“You’re wet. Why are you wet?”

“It-it rained, earlier,”

“Oh,” he turned and saw that the dark ominous clouds still hadn’t cleared. There is going to be another storm. Just then a lightning bolt shot through the sky, and thunder boomed seconds after, making both flinch.

“Do you think it’s gonna rain?” Barry knew it’s a stupid question, but just wanted to keep the other talking and not thinking about other stuff.

“Obviously,” Lex drawled, seemingly annoyed. Barry thinks he didn’t mean it (hopes, anyway).

An awkward silence fell over them. For the first time Barry didn’t know what to say. Lex was looking past him, at the gloomy clouds. A strong gust of wind blew, as a warning of the incoming storm. Even though it’s March, this was Metropolis and the wind was giving Barry goose bumps. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Lex shiver. It dawned on him the man is still wet, and must be freezing. Hastily he zipped from the balcony, and ran through the house in search for a blanket. He finally found one in his bedroom (might as well be the guest bedroom, since the bed is unmade). 

When he finally appeared in front of Lex, the other was looking at him in open astonishment. Barry realized he never saw him run, so the blur of movement, and the rush of electricity must have been very new to him. He held out the blanket. Lex blinked owlishly, not understanding. With a sigh Barry moved to cover him when Lex flinched. 

“Sorry, I-I didn’t mean to-“, Barry panicked.

“I know,” Lex whispered curtly, grabbed the blanket and threw it over his shoulders. Barry sat again, only this time instead of crouching in front of him, he plopped down next to Lex, and their shoulders brushed. The other man stiffened and leaned away. Lightning speared through the sky again.

“Are you okay?” Probably the dumbest question ever, Barry thought, since he was obviously not okay. People who are okay don’t try to-

“I’m fine,” Lex interrupted. It sounded automatic and fake to both of them, and Barry wondered how many times Lex had said it to himself, in hopes of believing it.

“Really,” It wasn’t a question exactly, but hung in the air.

Lex turned sharply to look at him. A myriad of expressions crossed over his face. First, he seemed annoyed, then angry. He looked somewhat hurt and worried (because whatever he is hiding might be discovered). A fleeting second he looked desperate, as if he wanted to share what burdened him, what drove him here tonight. For a moment Barry was certain something will happen, but Lex just sighed, closed his eyes and looked away.

“No,” Barry barely heard it. “I guess I’m not,” Lex admitted with a small laugh that was too sharp and so wrong. 

Admitting this had a relieving effect, as Lex visibly relaxed, leaning his head back to rest on the wall behind him, his eyes watching the storm.  
Barry noticed it had started raining. First it was a light drizzle, but within seconds it was a full storm. 

“Um, we should g-“, he was interrupted.

“I like the rain,” Lex simply stated

“Okay,” Barry said after a minute, and leaned back as well.

The balcony top prevented them from getting soaked, but it was still cold, and Barry was only wearing a thin jacket. He desperately wanted to get inside and warm up, but decided to suck it up and ignore it. He didn’t want to leave Lex alone. The redhead was quietly watching the downpour, either ignoring the speedster or being too deep in thought. He did relax, and his shoulder was now touching Barry’s, but neither paid much mind to it. When the wind started to whistle again and a few droplets of rain fell next to Barry’s shoes, he turned and whispered:

“The rain is getting worse. We should get inside.”

Lex blinked and nodded, moving to get onto his feet. Barry offered a hand, and Lex stared at it incredulously for a few seconds, but he took it, and was lifted to his feet. Barry inwardly cheered, and they entered the condo. And not a moment too soon. Strong gusts of wind made the rain fall almost horizontally, and the previously occupied place was now utterly wet. Barry sighed and turned to Lex.

“You should change,”

“You should leave,” Lex shot back.

“What?” Barry asked.

“Was I not clear? I want you to leave,” Lex replied sharply. Any trace of previous vulnerability was gone.

“What?” He repeated dumbly. Lex only glared and Barry started to feel increasingly uncomfortable. He turned to leave, almost ran, but the memory of the other man holding a knife to his wrist made him stop short.

“No,” he stated, and turned to face the redhead. Lex too turned sharply, unable to conceal the surprise crossing his dial, before being covered by intense irritation.

“Excuse me?” His voice cracked.

“No. There is no way I’m leaving you alone tonight.”

“I don’t need a babysitter, Mr. Allen,” he hissed.

“You know what you would’ve done? If I hadn’t stopped you.”

“Congratulations, would you like an award?” Lex deadpanned.

“What’s wrong with you?!”

“There’s a list. I’d be happy to put you into contact with my psychiatrist!” Lex growled. Barry knew what the other was doing. Trying to get a rise out of him, so he’d either leave, or do something he’s regret. Either way, he wins and Barry loses.

“Maybe you should get a new one, cause that one obviously sucks at their job,” Barry quipped, controlling his anger.

“Tonight was a miscalculation. I’m fine,” Barry could smell that lie.

“Bullshit!” Barry knew he’d regret it. Lex looked at him sharply, eyes blazing with fury.

“How-how dare you?! I never asked you to do anything for me! What do you want me to say?! Thank you? Is that what you want?!”

“NO. No, I didn’t-“Lex didn’t let him finish.

“I’m talking now!” His voice dropped from shouting, to a calm, emotionless tone. To Barry that was much more terrifying.

“You’re going to turn around, and get out. You’re going to leave, and if you say so much as a word of what happened-“

“Are you-Are you threatening me now?” Barry asked, slowly getting angry again.

“Oh, no, Mr. Allen. I don’t threaten. This a warning. I can and will make your life miserable.” With each word Lex got closer to Barry and now they were barely two inches apart. Lex tilted his head in mock curiosity.

“I wanted to-“, Barry started.

“What is it you really want? A thank you? For me to fall to my knees and cry oh, blessed be the savior! To save the poor, little Lex, to play the hero, like your little League? Is that it?” He said with a few frantic hand gestures. 

“No, I just-“

“I don’t need saving. Get it through your thick skull. I’m fine.” He took a step back.

“I’ll believe that when you believe it yourself,” Barry cursed his stupid mouth.

“Aren’t you caring?” His voice dripped with sarcasm. “I wonder, who taught you that. It certainly wasn’t your gem of a father.”  
Barry froze. 

“Excuse me?” He whispered.

“Oh, sorry, did you think I didn’t know. I do my homework on people, and my, oh my, aren’t you an interesting one,” Lex chuckled. Barry knew what he was doing – trying to get a rise out of him. And he was doing really well.

“It’s a sad story, isn’t it? No wonder you don’t tell it often,” Lex continued. Barry’s jaw clenched.

“Don’t –“But Lex ignored him.

“Loving father gets put in prison for a crime he allegedly didn't commit, and poor Barry was left to fend for himself in the big, scary world!”

“You don’t know what you -“

“Now little orphan you bonces around from foster home to foster home, but forever desperate to prove his father’s innocence-“

Barry didn’t let him finish. He grabbed the front of Lex’s shirt roughly. Lex didn’t flinch, only looked on indignantly. He lifted his chin, as if expecting to get hit, and Barry knew he wanted him to. To prove that he isn’t a hero. Barry won’t give him the satisfaction. He stepped away, but he was still close enough to the redhead to see his eyes widen in surprise.  
“Say whatever you want to me, mock me however you want, but don’t you dare say anything about my family.” And this time the threat was convincing. Lex swallowed and looked at down at his feet. 

Rain was still pouring outside. It didn’t seem like the storm would let up any time soon.

The silence was getting awkward. And Barry hated awkward silences.

“So…what now?” He asked, feet shuffling. Lex looked up.

“You tell me. You’re the one who wanted to stay.”

“Oh...um...well…the thing is…I didn’t really…uh…think this through,” Barry admitted. Lex rolled his eyes.

“Fantastic,” he muttered. When he turned away, Barry asked:

“Where are you going?”

“To change, if I may. I’m still damp,” he announced, “Make yourself at home, I suppose. Don’t break anything,” he added.

“I’m not five, you know,” Barry whined. Lex merely raised an eyebrow, and walked away.

While he was away Barry searched the living room and kitchen for anything sharp. Just in case, he told himself, just in case. By the time Lex returned, he had hidden all the kitchen knives, taken all pairs of scissors and was suspiciously eyeing a prescription bottle he was holding

“You can’t hide those, I’m afraid I might need them.” Lex’s voice interrupted Barry’s thoughts making him jump, and nearly drop the bottle.

“Um, what-I wasn’t-I didn’t hide-what?” Barry stumbled.

“You didn’t hide all of my kitchen knives? So they mysteriously disappeared, all on their own?” Lex asked sarcastically.

“Yes. It’s a well-known fact knives run away when they’re not happy,” Barry shot off, not caring it made no sense.  
Lex blinked, and shook his head. He sat down on the sofa in the living room, while Barry stood in the kitchen, feeling more and more awkward.

“Are you going to stand there all night?”

Barry sat at the edge of the sofa, as far away from the other, absentmindedly turning the prescription bottle in his hand. Lex thrust a hand and speared away the bottle.  
“Don’t play with those,” he scolded, like a parent minding his child.

“Sorry,” he said, “You don’t take many of those?” He questioned, seeing it was half full.

“I don’t like sleeping pills.”

“What d’you take them for?” Lex gave him a look as if he were an idiot.

“I mean, I know what they’re for. What I meant was, why do you take them?” He elaborated.

“For sleeping.”

“You can’t sleep?”

“Do you always ask so many stupid questions?” Lex shot back, but Barry ignored him.

“Why can’t you sleep?” He prodded.

“That’s none of your business,” Lex replied sharply. Barry conceded, so changed the subject.

“You don’t like sleeping pills?” It seemed as if Lex was mulling it over, and finally decided to reply shortly.

“No.”

“Me either. They made me feel woozy in the morning, like I never slept at all. Can’t take them anymore,” Barry confessed. Lex didn’t reply for a while, so Barry started wandering if he was even listening to him.

“Why did you take them?” His question mirrored Barry’s earlier one.

“Nightmares,” the speedster simply stated. Lex looked up, but didn’t say anything.

“Usually my mom or my dad,” Barry confessed. The other turned away.

“Sorry. For mentioning them earlier, I was trying to-“

“Never mind. I know.”

They lapsed in a silence again, although now it seemed slightly less uncomfortable. Lex was twisting the bottle, opening and closing the lid, deep in thought.

“That’s mostly why I took them too,” he whispered, “Sometimes they helped, sometimes they didn’t. So I just…stopped.”

“How did that go?” Barry asked carefully. Lex only shrugged, and it was answer enough.

“When was the last time you slept?”

“Without nightmares? It’s been awhile,” he admitted, leaning back. “You said you can’t take them anymore. Why?” He inquired. Barry stayed silent, contemplating whether he should say or not.

“Come on. I already know who you are. And I’ve already seen you run, so…” Lex trailed off, looking expectantly at him.

“Fine. My metabolism’s too fast.” Lex kept staring at him, and Barry noticed he seemed less weary, and more focused, curious as to what he might say.

“I don’t just run fast. A lot of me is fast. I think fast, I talk fast. Okay, maybe I don’t always think things through, and my mouth is quicker than my head, but I… wait I’m babbling, sorry. Yes, my metabolism also works a lot quicker than normal. I burn through any food or medication really, really fast.”

“How fast?” Lex asked.

“Um, well, fast enough that I need to eat every hour or so.”

“Or?”

“Or I get lightheaded. I faint.”

“So if you take a sleeping pill will you fall asleep?”

“I’m not drinking it,” Barry stated, feeling worried.

“I’m not asking-It’s all very hypothetical,” Lex replied calmly.

“Okay. I mean, I get woozy and sleepy, but I burn through it before it can take effect,” Barry admitted, “Should I be worried now? Look over my shoulder and watch out for bad guys with big needles of anesthetic to knock out a horse?”

“Would that work?” 

Barry sat up, looking alarmed. Lex raised his arms in mock surrender.

“No, no, purely hypothetical,” he reassured.

“Forgive me if I don’t feel reassured by the statement of an ex-criminal mastermind,” Barry quipped.

“Excuse me? I’m not ex anything,” Lex added, looking somber, but laughed. Barry noted it didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it was there.

“You sure about that? There are other jobs out there, like, I dunno, a teacher or a babysitter-“

“Are you offering?”

“For a job?”

“For babysitting.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” Barry drawled, mock-offended. Lex’s lips quirked softly. Barry felt pleased.

However, he sobered and decided to say what was on his mind for a long time now.

“Lex,” he waited until the other was looking at him, “I didn’t do that thing earlier to play a hero or anything. And I don’t need you to thank me, I don’t want you to thank me. And the League has nothing to do with any of this. How I ended up here – well that’s a long story – but that’s not important. What’s important is that I’m sure as hell glad to have been there, and then, because if I hadn’t…” he trailed off, “I don’t know what happened, or what caused all of this, but that’s none of my business, and if you want to tell me, I’m all ears, but I won’t pry anymore. But what I really want you to know is this – I’m glad I stopped you tonight, and that you’re still here. I know you don’t know me – probably even hate me – but if anything happens again, if you ever feel like this again, please talk to someone. Me, someone else, anyone. We don’t get along, but I don’t want to see you dead, the least by your own hand. I’m – God, this sounds cheesy – I’m here for you, if you ever need to talk…” He finished, hoping Lex wouldn’t find him ridiculous.  
Lex didn’t move or say anything. His eyes shone with unshed tears for a time, but he blinked them away. He swallowed and looked down at his hands. Barry turned away, to give him space.

“Okay,” he heard the redhead whisper, “I’ll keep that in mind,” he added.

“Okay,” Barry repeated, feeling a weight he didn’t even realize was there fall off his chest.

Lex suddenly stood up, and headed for the window.

“The rain’s stopped,” he stated, lifting a hand to lean on the window.

“Yeah,” Barry added, “I can-I can leave, if you want.” Lex considered it for a moment.

“No, it’s fine. I wouldn’t mind some company.”

Barry tried to cover up his relief, but it must’ve showed, because Lex rolled his eyes.

“But you’re sleeping on the sofa,” he said, pointing at him. 

Barry laughed and sat down, still giving Lex some space.

He didn’t expect him to open up right now, or any time soon, but hoped he would one day. He meant it when he said he wouldn’t pry. For the rest of the night he talked to Lex about everything else, carefully avoiding the topic, or changing the flow of the conversation when it strayed to places that got Lex to shy away. He felt this was a start of a budding friendship, and Barry will be damned if he did anything to upset that.

(And he did end up sleeping on the sofa)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Leave a comment if you liked or disliked it.


End file.
